I started with taking pictures of my surroundings. It became my way to express my feelings, the chaos in my head. At that time I also moved with my girlfriend from Poland to Sweden, where we live now. I started to use photography to visualize my loneliness, abandonment, love etc. In Deceitful Reverence I want to show my visions, emotions, dreams from my past and present life.
The first pictures I took for Deceitful Reverence were self-portraits. One night, after I quit drinking, I saw my naked body in the mirror in the bathroom. I was extremely skinny, gaunt and exhausted. I couldn't recognize myself. It was a mad and strange experience. I took my compact camera and made a few self-portraits. I wanted to document that moment, to try to capture those feelings in the pictures. After that, I regularly started taking photos of myself to describe how my body expressed the feelings and simply see how I looked, how time changed my looks. Soon I realized that I really don't know myself.
My addiction had totally blocked my feelings, reactions, desires – my mind and my whole perception of reality… Turning the camera on myself was a beginning to asking myself fundamental questions like: Who am I? Where am I? And why?
I never thought so much about the form, it's very organic and instinctive for me. I chose that language because it expresses my feelings. Sometimes images have a strong contrast, sometimes not, sometimes they are black and white, sometimes in color, sometimes they are sharp and sometimes blurry – everything depends on the mood I am in while photographing. I don't want to interpret my work too much. If it's disturbing or repulsive to someone, it's ok with me – as long as emotions are evoked. I take it as a good sign because it means that they provoke something real and human. I think that life and art are not made up and should not deal only with the nice, comfortable things in life. Images of pain, suffering, isolation are important as well.
First and foremost I realized that I can live without drugs, and that being clean is better than being stoned. It could also be exciting, but the main thing is that personal experiences, even the most traumatic, are important. And it's okay to talk about it and to not be afraid of other people's reactions. My photography is a form of therapy and it's not a shame for me. It makes me stronger and more aware of myself and reality."