Helena Liventseva

My name is Elena Liventseva, born in Voronezh. I prefer to work on long-term personal projects. Area of interest: psychological problems, trauma, social problems.

My story is a search for my father among the many images of memory. It's about diving into the past, living through traumatic experiences and exploring the father figure in general. I wanted to look into the darkest part of my memory to find light and a resource there. In the process, I realized that the story goes beyond my personal experience and becomes something universal. I want to draw attention to the importance of the father figure in a woman's life.
"I want you to know - I love you"


"Those who do not have a father must find one for themselves" (F. Nietzsche)

My project is an attempt to see, approach, and recreate the image of my father, to live out my feelings for him. I didn't know my dad, I didn't know him and my mom as a family, as a couple, they divorced when I was about 7 months old. I met my dad only once, secretly, and he said: "I want you to know I love you." After that, I never saw him again.

Somehow, on the street, a classmate said to me: " Your father is dead." From that moment on, nothing was the same, some part of me died with him. I was 12. When I think about my father, I feel pain, but I can't even miss him, because it requires memories.

I grew up feeling lost in the world of men. Being sexually abused as a child, I acquired trauma, the need to get someone's attention, social dependence, and the constant search for a safe place. After the death of my father, I realized that no one could protect me anymore. I do not know if my dad's image would have been so idealized for me if we went through all the stages of his fatherhood together.
With this project, I wanted to face the image that I created and separate the real person and myself from it, allowing me to complete and live out the missing emotions and feelings.
Text Anna Laza
Helena Liventseva Instagram
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